Alone in a Crowded Room
by The Wonderful Nobody
Summary: Determined to clear his name, Seifer joined forces with Squall and the gang in the fight against Ultimecia. When feelings develop between Seifer and his former instructor Quistis, he vows to do anything to save her including give up his life for her…
1. Promises on a Petal

**Alone in a Crowded Room**

_Prologue: Promises on a Petal _

_I never meant to hurt you, I swear to Hyne I didn't. I didn't care for you in the beginning the way I care for you now but you've always been a part of me, whether you believe me or not. Ever since the orphanage days, you've been there for me, for him, for all of the others. I just always took you for granted. _

_But now... I will always be there for you, Quistis. No matter what happens, I'll be right here, waiting for you. Nothing can tear me away from you, I want to be with you always. And I'll do whatever it takes for it to always be this way…_

As the sun set on the flower field, he dropped the gunblade and it smothered a few flowers. He looked down at the small destruction he had caused and picked the blade up again. He grabbed a fistful of the faint pink petals and smiled, as he thought of her face. The wind lifted the petals from his hand and as they drifted away, he made his last promise to her.

_I promise that you'll never be alone again, Quistis._


	2. The Serpent's Return

_Chapter One: The Serpent's Return_

That night was darker than most of others. But it fit the mood. Imagine it: a villain who helped lead a sorceress on her crusade to conquer the world and demolish the SeeD slips through the gates of Garden and through the heightened security in ease with a mission on his mind. It made sense for the night to be dark, the stars and the sliver of crescent moon hidden from view by tumultuous clouds that looked ready to burst with thunder, lightning and rain.

Living in the orphanage, Seifer had always managed to find the best places to hide while playing hide-n-go-seek, and was always able to find key spots to slip out at night. Living at Balamb had been no different. While being the rebel that he is, he had managed to find closed corridors, 'secret' rooms, unused classrooms, and so much more while exploring and tormenting students and instructors. So breaking into Balamb was easy for him.

And why shouldn't it?

But his mission… His mission was something that would surprise the world, more than his betrayal of Gaia to the sorceress. In his mission, he would seek out the one person he knew that was both strong enough and weak enough to help him complete the mission. The mission? To become a SeeD in the fight against Ultimecia. Well, the SeeD part didn't matter to him anymore… He just wanted to prove his worth. Before he had fallen under Ultimecia's control because he wanted to prove he was better than Squall Leonhart. Now, his mindset had changed….

He wanted to prove he was no longer a little boy, no longer a puppy, no longer weak. At ease in warfare and skilled with a gunblade, he was not a man to mess with. But maybe that's not how he wanted to portray himself anymore… He was sick of being the one hunted. Villains always lost in the storybooks he had read after being orphaned and put under Matron Edea's care. He wanted to be a hero for once. Maybe then people would see him in the same light as that friggin' Leonhart.

But would the world accept him? Would they accept the fact that he was sick of fighting on the wrong side and actually believe that he wished to clear his name of the treason that he had unwillingly committed?

_It doesn't matter. I'll force them if I have to… I'm sick of being a puppet and a little friggin' boy. They can't tell me what to do or who to be! _

That was the second part of his mission. He thought about it as he forced entry into the dorm room and strode as quietly as the shadows beneath and around him through the sitting room to the bedroom. He could see her figure faintly, the dark night not leaving much light to see with. He could make out her slim waist and generous top covered only by a T-shirt. Her long legs disappeared underneath the blankets. Her blonde hair was loose for once and Seifer actually found himself staring at the sight of the waves of golden blonde hair that fanned out over her pillow.

But he stopped his gawking and slipped closer to the edge of the bed, pulling the knife from his pocket. He flicked it open, almost groaning when it got stuck and a large pop sound resounded against the dark walls of the quiet room. Quistis stirred in her sleep. But she didn't wake up.

Seifer lunged forward and grabbed the young woman, pressing one hand over her mouth and using their bodies to pin her arms behind her back. The other hand held the knife flat against her throat. She screamed into his hand but a nudge of the blade silenced her.

"Quistis, you're going to help me."

She squirmed against his touch and tried to use her legs to kick him in the crotch but he shoved her onto the bed. Quistis tried to scramble to her feet but Seifer put the blade between his teeth and pinned her down by sitting on her knees and grabbing her wrists. She tried to scream but he held both of her wrists with one hand and used the now free hand to silence her.

"Quistis, please stop… I really need your help. I've never asked anything of you before, but please just give me this one last chance…" He bowed his head and was silent for a few minutes before he lifted his head again. "Do you believe me?" She narrowed her eyes at him and tried to bite him. She clamped her teeth onto the skin of his palm and he yelped when he tried to tug his hand away. He managed to yank his hand away, retrieved the knife from the sheets and pressed it to her neck again.

"Stop!" He said sternly. "I don't want to have to hurt you. I don't want to hurt anyone anymore. So will you listen to me?" Her lips formed the word yes. She couldn't nod or say a word with the blade pressed so tightly against the white skin of her throat.

"Quisty, you know that I'm not really a bad guy… You know I'm not… I'm not trying to be a traitor. I'm just so sick of being seen in friggin' Leonhart's shadow… I want to be known for me… I always felt like no matter what, he was always better than me.. So being a traitor was the only way to get the attention I deserve. Or so I thought… Ultimecia came to me with a promise that I would be stronger and better than Squall..

She promised me the power but she turned me into her puppet instead… I've come to this realization… But I'm done with being a puppet… I want to help. I want to be a hero…"

He turned his dark green eyes on her, his face lighted faintly from the moonlight coming in through the window. "Will you let me help, Quisty? Please?" He watched as she nodded her head slowly, eyes wide. He slowly pulled away his hands and leaned back and away from the young woman. She reached her hand up to her wrist and rubbed it, a grimace on her face. He was sitting back on the heels of his feet, waiting for her to say something to him.

She turned the corners of her lips up into a toothy smile and in one swift motion, she brought her foot under his chin in a kick and with the other, shoved him backwards off of the bed. He landed with a crash onto the top of the desk. She struggled to her feet, throwing the sheets off. Seifer tried to get up but he fell off of the side of the desk, and into the chair. She grabbed her whip from the shelf above her bed and with one snap, had the leather strap around Seifer's throat. She yanked on the whip, pulling him towards her. When he had staggered into reach, his hands trying to pull the whip from his throat, she kicked at the sides of his legs, knocking him down again.

She pulled the whip away and cut a small gash along his cheek, while firmly planting her foot into his stomach. While he was curled up, clutching his stomach, she began to scream. "Somebody help! It's the traitor! It's Seifer, he's trying to kill me! Somebody please help me! It's Seifer!"

He rolled onto his back and looked up at her with blurred vision from the kick in the head. How could she do that to him? He would have thought that she would have been the one to understand him the most, seeing as she had suffered so much through the years. "Quisty… I just wanted to be forgiven." He closed his eyes as he heard the SeeD bust into the dorm door and flood into the apartment yelling and flailing weapons. They began to try to subdue him.

_How much more do they need to subdue me?_ Seifer thought miserably, as he kept his eyes on the blonde woman, who was now backing into the corner of the room. He could see the doubt in her blue eyes but his world slid to black as a boot connected with the side of his head. "Quistis…" He murmured.

xxx

Squall kicked at the pebble on the ground, listening to Quistis's theories. He didn't like any of them, but she was his friend so it was the least he could do. He would much rather just dump Seifer on the Island Closest To Hell and leave him to die but Quistis was a little more passionate.

"I don't know if it's another ploy from Ultimecia or just an honest attempt to make wrongs right by Seifer. I think we should contain him in the detention center and keep him under close surveillance. If he acts like the good ol' Seifer we know, then maybe something can be considered. We could - "

Squall gave the pebble one last good kick before stopping in his tracks and turning to her, storms in his eyes. "Just a few problems with that plan. If he really is being controlled by Ultimecia, the detention center would be a minor obstacle in destroying Garden. Secondly, there's not gonna be any considering anything with him. He's a traitor and a criminal. As soon as possible, he's going to trial to probably be put to death. Problem solved." He turned away from Quistis to avoid the glare she would most likely give him.

Quistis crossed her arms over her chest as she glared at the back of his head. "I thought I used to know you inside out. But the Squall I knew was never this heartless." She turned on her heel and stormed out of the Quad. She passed by Rinoa who was hurrying into the Quad.

"Squall! Squall! We need to go to Esthar. Laguna is there and he wants to discuss the plans for defeating Ultimecia." She said, skidding to a stop in front of him. Squall nodded and followed her back inside and headed up to the deck to make an announcement to Garden.

xxx

I'm not really a bad guy…

I'm sick of being a puppet… I want to help.. I want to be a hero…

Quistis closed her eyes against the sounds of his pleas in her mind as the students quieted down when the loudspeaker switched on. They were met with Squall's voice.

"Plans have been made to defeat Ultimecia. The others and I will take the Ragnarok to Esthar to discuss plans with President Laguna on how to defeat the Sorceress Ultimecia. All SeeD be on alert. Instructor Trepe report to the bridge immediately." The announcement ended with another beep and Quistis groaned before climbing to her feet and heading towards the bridge.

She slid in through the door, her head down. She had a bad feeling that he wasn't too happy with her, especially after he had time to think over what she had proposed to him. When she walked out onto the bridge, Rinoa stood with Squall and Nida. "Yes, sir?" Quistis asked, blandly.

Rinoa looked from Squall to Quistis. When neither of them said a word, Rinoa stepped forward and took the moment. "I talked it over with Squall and convinced him not to kill Seifer. But…" She started as Quistis looked up, hopefully. "But he will not fight in the battle against Ultimecia. We have too much on our hands with out worrying that he will turn on us mid-battle. Or that Ultimecia will try to use him again. So he will stay in the Detention Center, under your care and watch. He-" Squall stepped in front of Rinoa, to finish.

"He will not be allowed to leave detention. If I find out that he does, Quistis, you will lose your position as SeeD." He threatened. Quistis saluted him and walked away, not waiting for any more. The war had changed them all… In more bad ways than good.

xxx

As Quistis watched him through the two-way mirror, she felt like she was watching some caged beast at the zoo. She watched as he tossed and turned in his tranquilizer-induced sleep. She rested her chin in her hand and wondered what nightmares plagued him. Was he dreaming about Ultimecia? Or was he really still being controlled by Ultimecia, and she was trying to force his body to overcome the tranquilizer effects? Quistis shook his head. No, Seifer had been too sincere for it to be Ultimecia.

When she had looked into his poisonous eyes in Deling, she could see the hatred and evil in his eyes. Then she had just believed that he hated all of them for some reason but afterwards she understood that dark look when she had seen the same in Ultimecia's eyes. But last night, when she had looked into his eyes, she could see the little boy looking out at her, begging her for help.

She closed her eyes for a moment. She was so tired. After he had broken into her room and attacked her last night, she hadn't been able to fall back asleep. Instead she herself had tossed and turned, a million and one things on her mind. When the sun rose and poured over her bed, she finally gave up on trying to capture the eluding sleep.

When she opened her eyes, she found a pair of green ones face to face with her. She almost screamed but remembered the pair of SeeD outside the door and clamped her hand over her mouth quickly. She steadied herself and forced herself to look back at the two-way mirror. Seifer stood in front of the mirror, cupping his hands over it, trying to peer inside. He stepped back, scratching his head.

"Hello?" He called out, his voice raspy. He cleared his throat and tried again. "Hello? Anyone there? Quistis?"

She hurried to the side of the mirror to grab the phone that served as a microphone into his cell. "Seifer?" She said.

He jumped at the sound. "Not so loud…" He groaned, rubbing his temples with two fingers. He strode back over to the bed and sat down but stared at his reflection in the mirror, knowing that Quistis was somewhere on the other side. "What happened?"

She sighed and sat in the chair. "They tranquilized you after I screamed. They beat you up really bad before they put you in this cell. Squall almost didn't let Dr. Kadowaki in here to heal you but Rinoa make him. She healed you and told them to leave you alone but the SeeD tranquilized you again after she left."

He nodded slowly and straightened his shirt a little and glanced around the room. "That Rinoa… Even after we broke up, she still said she cared about me… I'm surprised she actually told Squall to let me be healed." He smiled sadly.

"She even talked Squall out of killing you." Quistis added, nonchalantly.

Seifer laughed. "I think I might ask her back out as soon as I get my name cleared." He laid back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. He grabbed the blanket from the floor and curled up under it.

Quistis watched him, looking intently for any signs that he was being possessed. She lifted the phone back up to her face. "You do know that they are engaged, don't you?" She already knew the answer. He didn't respond. "Were you being sincere?"

He looked at the mirror. "Yeah."

xxx

Quistis cast Silence magick on the mirror before she lifted the heavy metal chair with Aero magick and flung it through the mirror. Seifer caught it and gently set it down on the floor, careful not to make a sound. He jogged over to the shattered glass and stepped up, using her hand to get up into the room.

She looked behind her at the shattered mess and sighed. She knew that her position as a SeeD was over with but did she really care? Maybe it was about time that she left Garden behind her and with it, all the awful memories. Suddenly, she felt a hand on her shoulder. She spun around before she remembered that Seifer was a good guy.

"Thanks, Quisty…" He scooped her up into his arms and gave her a big hug. She rested her head on his shoulder and really hoped for her sake, and for the sake of the world that he was really a reformed man.

"Shh…" She whispered, holding a finger to her lips as she pulled away from his embrace. Seifer didn't need to be told twice. He glanced back at his prison cell once more before he creeped to the door with Quistis. She looked out the square glass window at the two SeeD standing as guards. She pointed to the one on the right, then pointed at Seifer. He nodded and she opened the door.

She stepped through first and turned towards the SeeD on the left. She flashed him a smile, showing him every one of her brilliantly white teeth. "Hi." She said, giggling and twirling her blonde hair around a finger. The SeeD, also an avid Trepie, grinned stupidly and muttered a hello back. The other SeeD rolled her eyes and looked down the hall to the right.

Seifer stepped up behind her and grabbed her from behind, and cast a Sleep magick on her. He held her and slowly lowered her to the floor. The male SeeD saw Seifer but when he opened his mouth to shout, a Silence magick was shoved down his throat and although his mouth was wide, no sound came from it. He tried to grab his gun but Seifer beat him with a punch to the side of the head.

"Time to go?" He asked, looking down at the blonde beside him. She nodded.

"Yes, it's time to go." She glanced up and down the hall. She could hear the voices of several other students echoing down the hall. She looked back at the man standing beside her, who stood out from the uniformed students in his black pants and dark blue shirt with the noticeable white cross. "Here, steal this guy's uniform and put it on. Don't forget the helmet and sunglasses. We'll head to the Parking Lot and escape to try and head off the others on the Ragnarok. Hopefully, they'll give us a ride!"

Seifer grinned at her. "Not only are you good at flirting with students, you are oh so smart!" He tapped her temple and she swatted at him.

"Shut up and get changed, will you?" Quistis snapped, but she couldn't help but smile as Seifer grabbed the SeeD's helmet and strapped it to his head. He sloppily saluted her.

xxx

Squall looked at Rinoa and nodded to her. This was it. He looked at the clock; the hours were slowly ticking away until time compression and until the battle would begin. She walked over to him and grabbed his hand. She held it tightly in her own and her other hand traced over the veins and scars. When she looked up at him, a tear streaked down her cheek. He wiped it away.

"Fight with me, Rinoa?" He asked softly. "Stay by my side?" She smiled and nodded. He wrapped an arm over her shoulder and kissed the side of her head. They stepped out of the elevator and into the cabin of the Ragnarok. They watched Balamb Garden become a speck in the distance as the ship took off, headed for Esthar.


	3. Trial and Error

_Chapter Two: Trial And Error_

She eyed him warily, just waiting for him to leap out of the bed, to slaughter her. She shook her head, chasing away the evil thoughts and sipped quietly at her ice water. She leaned back and rested her head against the wall, closing her eyes for a brief minute, exhaling softly… She was so tired…

"Quistis."

Her eyes shot open and she tried to leap to her feet but she collided into something and fell back into her chair. She kicked out her legs but Seifer caught them in his hands. She looked up at him, panic in her eyes. _Think, Quistis, think!_ But before she had time to think, he dropped his hold on her legs and swayed backwards dangerously. He made it back to the bed, just in time.

"What's… What's wrong with me?" He asked, his voice groggy and rough. He rubbed at his head, his forehead wrinkled in what appeared to be pain. "I can barely see and I feel so dizzy…" Quistis sat upright slowly, cautiously. He described the effects of the tranquilizer perfectly and she knew that he had failed the term that she had taught them about the tranquilizer used in the Training Center. So, it wasn't an act. She still reached for the knife on the table and tucked it into the back of her belt.

"You were tranquilized when you tried to steal the car from the Parking Lot. I had to keep the SeeD from doing only that and not killing you as well." She sighed, looking at her nails nonchalantly. "It seems that they were sure that you were trying to attack me so they took it upon themselves to kill you. But I stopped them. I told you I'd take care of getting the car, idiot…" He tried to stand again but he stumbled. Quistis found herself running to catch him before he hit the ground. He wrapped a grateful arm around her shoulder as she led him back to the bed.

"You really should rest a while so the drug can wear off. It should take about fifteen more minutes or so." He nodded once before laying on the bed, an arm over his eyes, blocking out the light that streamed in through the window above the bed. Quistis closed the blinds and he muttered a soft thanks. In a few moments, his eyes shot open and he bolted upright, looking around at the dorm around him.

"Why aren't I in the detention center?" He asked, looking around, confused. His eyes finally settled on her. She had a smug look on her face.

"Because I broke you out of the detention center so that you could play hero. Remember?" She said. He stared at her, and she stared at him. Then they both broke into soft laughter. "Now get some sleep, I have a class to teach. I have to teach one last class so that the SeeD don't think that I'm hiding anything. They all assume that you are on your way to the prison as we speak." He nodded and laid back, pulling the blanket over his face. "Seifer?" He pulled the covers down, and looked at her in the faint light of the room. "Don't do anything stupid, please… Don't make me a fool…" She whispered. She climbed to her feet and left the room, making sure to lock the door behind her. Out in the hall, she rested her back against the door and closed her eyes, sighing.

She really hoped that she wouldn't go to the classroom and come back to find half of Garden destroyed…

xxx

Seifer climbed to his feet. He had slept a good two hours and Quistis still wasn't back yet. He groaned, yawned and stretched his sore muscles. When he climbed to his feet, he got dizzy and he grabbed onto the dresser for balance. When it wore off, he opened his eyes and looked at what lay beneath his fingers. It was a small spiral notebook, with a black cover and her name spelled out in silver crystals. He grinned to himself. Of course a romantic like Quistis would have a journal! He looked towards the door. He climbed to his feet and pressed his ear to the door. He didn't hear anything so he came back to the bedroom, grabbed the journal and fell back onto the bed and got comfortable. He opened the small notebook to the first page.

_Dear Diary,_

_Today was great! Matron took us all to the beach and we walked along the beach barefoot. The water was cold when it splashed against my feet but it was so much fun! Irvine was messing Seffie, by chasing after her, wanting to hold her hand. Zell kept pretending he was fighting the waves, and Seifer kept messing with him, calling him 'chicken' because Zell kept running away whenever a big wave splashed on the beach. Squall was behind everyone and Matron kept checking on him, making sure that he was okay. I tried to talk to him but he wouldn't talk to me. It made me wanna cry… He misses Sis. We all do but I just want to make him happy again…_

Seifer turned the page, after scanning the date. That entry was over ten years old! _Damn, Quistis, you really don't let things go, do you?_ He flipped back towards the end of the journal for a more recent entry.

_I think it's over. I can't chase him anymore. Ever since she stepped into his life, he's farther away from me than ever. I've been by his side since we were kids, helping him and trying to care for him in every way possible and she just walks into his life and turns his head. And all she is doing is causing all of this trouble for everyone. I'm so sick of everything. It's just not fair… _

"I always knew that Lionheart was a selfish loser." Seifer growled, before shrugging off the brief anger that clouded his mind. If he was going to play hero alongside Squall, he had to put away the resentment he felt towards his longtime rival. He had to show the world that he was a changed man, that he had learned from his past. And for the world to forgive him, he had to learn to be forgiving himself. He yawned and stretched for a minute before turning back down to the small notebook. He flipped to the last page. He was surprised at her handwriting. Instead of the smooth, cursive writing visible in all the other pages, this handwriting was scrawled hurriedly, with several scratch-outs. He leaned forward, reading anxiously. The entry had been written the day before.

_You won't believe what happened just a few hours ago. Seifer returned to Garden. That snake had the nerve to try and attack me. He claims that he wants to change his ways but… Can I trust him? We all thought we could before. And look how quickly he turned on everyone. Rinoa still held her faith in him during the war. She may not be my favorite person but… Does anyone deserve to see a side of the person they love that they never want to see? I think Seifer might -_

Seifer jolted as he heard the key slide through the lock in the door. He scrambled to his feet, frantically searching for a place to put the journal. He quickly stuffed it between the mattresses, straightening just as she walked in the door. He grinned nervously, his hand scratching at the back of his head. Quistis eyed him curiously but before she could question him, the papers slid from her arm and splashed across the dorm floor.

"Dammit." She muttered quickly, dropping her purse on the table before dropping to her knees to pick the papers up. She tried to scoop them in a single pile but a breeze wafted in through the window, causing the papers to whirlwind over her head. She looked at them, hopelessness in her eyes. Her blue eyes dropped from the papers above to Seifer. He shrugged before catching the papers and handing them to her. "Thank you." She mumbled, stuffing them quickly into her binder before they could slip out again.

Seifer shook his head. "No, thank you…" She glanced quickly up at him before turning away to walk into the kitchen. As she stepped into the doorway, she looked back over her shoulder at him.

"We leave tonight. Midnight. We better get some rest before we leave; it's going to be a rough journey to Esthar." He nodded, grim seriousness in his face. This was it, this was his one last chance at redemption. And hopefully he wouldn't screw it up this time around.

xxx

Her eyes traced over his sleeping form. Her eyes took notice of his haggard skin, the thinly traced scars, and the apparent loss of muscle mass. She rested her eyes on his face, trying to understand what lay inside his head, why he suddenly had a change of heart. What had made him able to break free of Ultimecia's hold on him? What made the puppet decide to finally cut the puppet strings?

At this point, surprisingly, Quistis's concern wasn't with where his loyalties lied. She was concerned with how he would fare in a battle against the very one that had enslaved him, and turned him against those he had ones that were almost like siblings to him. He was definitely out of shape, could he survive? Quistis jumped when she realized that Seifer's eyes were now open and he was staring back at her.

"Sorry…" She mumbled quickly, throwing aside the blankets on her bed and lowering her feet to the floor. She walked past where he lay on the living room floor and vanished into the kitchen. She tried to calm herself down. She busied herself by digging a glass out of the dishwasher and breaking the ice free from the ice trays. She cast an uneasy glance over her shoulder and realized that he now stood in the doorway. He moved so quietly, like a shadow in the dark of the night.

"What were you thinking about me?" He asked, emotion unreadable in his voice. Quistis glanced at him briefly as she held the glass under the faucet. Her eyes fell to the clear stream of water as she stood silent. "Do you not believe me? Not trust me? What is it?" A tinge of anger and annoyance brushed the edges of his voice. She shook her head before tipping it back and downing the glass of water. She turned to look at him.

"How will you do it?" Quistis asked, turning the focus back on him. "That's what I don't understand. I don't really care where your loyalties lie right now, Seifer. I know that if we get there and you turn on us, that I'll be the one punished but I don't really think I can just sit around here anymore. Who knows? You might even kill me before we get there. But what I want to know..." She rested the glass on its side in the sink and breathed deeply before turning her crystal blue eyes up to look at him. "How can you be so strong? How is it that you can go back and fight the one that had hurt you so much? How can you do it? Aren't you afraid that she'll do it again?" Her voice had dropped to a whisper, like she was afraid that Ultimecia would be able to hear her if she spoke too loudly.

"Do what again?" He questioned, resting his head against the doorway. "Enslave me? Make me a fool?" He shrugged. "There's always a point where you must make your own decisions. I know I'm putting myself at risk by going back and trying to fight that damn witch but what choice do I have? I can either turn back and fight or I can keep running for the rest of my life." He laughed. "You know me better than that, Quistis. Do you really think I would run from a good fight?" She smiled sadly.

"That's what I'm worried about. Squall would be a good fight, Seifer..." She walked past him, reaching out to touch his arm in comfort as she walked by. "Let's go, Seifer. Let's finish this. We both need closure in our lives."

xxx

The ride to Balamb City was a quiet one. Being an Instructor, she was automatically granted access to the PArking Lot. When they creeped into the Parking Lot, they found the SeeD that had attacked Seifer earlier sound asleep. They had easily snuck into a car and took off into the night. Not a word was spoken until they arrived at the gates to Balamb City. They parked the car and climbed out, and their eyes met over the roof of the car. Quistis frowned, tilting her head to the side as if to question, "What?" to Seifer.

"What made you decide you wanted to help me?" He asked, rubbing his arms. His breath was visible in the cold air of the night.

She shrugged. "Everyone deserves a second chance." She smiled briefly at him and turned to head down the cobblestone street, her heeled boots clicking and reverberating on the walls of the homes on either side of her. Seifer watched her, still standing beside the car. She stopped, and turned to look back at him. "What is it?"

He shook his head. "Not everyone deserves a second chance. Not Squall." She frowned, confused. "You shouldn't leave your heart so exposed; you're only hurting yourself. You deserve so much more than you let yourself have, Quistis."

She sighed. "We all have secrets, Seifer. And secret agendas in this battle. What happens happens." She stepped down the stairs and knocked briefly on the door of one of the homes and was greeted warmly by a hug from Molly Dincht, Zell's mother. "Are the bags ready?" Quistis asked, beckoning Seifer to follow her into the warm home. Mollly nodded, pointing to the duffel bags near the windows.

"Quistis, keep an eye on Zell for me." Molly murmured, holding Quistis's hand tight in her hands. Quistis nodded, a sudden weight in the pit of her stomach. You can imagine and plan and scheme and devise but real battle is so much different. You can't plan how much blood will be loss, or how many nightmares you'll have afterwards. you can plan on how to keep from falling, but you can't always keep the scars from forming. Molly turned her green eyes to Seifer. "Let me talk to him." Quistis nodded. Molly motioned to Seifer and he trudged after her up the stairs to Zell's bedroom.

Seifer, after overcoming the shock of the neatness and organization of Chickenwuss's bedroom, sighed and sat on the edge of the bed, resting his head in his hands. "I don't know if I can do it. No one else believe in me. So how can I believe in myself?" Molly sat next to him and rested her hand on his back.

"As a mother, I know what a young man goes through. Zell was the same way. One Christmas, the first after his grandfather had passed, Zell was bound and determined to fix the shingles on the house. Usually he would help his grandfather by passing them up but he had never been on the roof before. I told him to get the neighbor to help him, told him that he could pass the shingles to our neighbor but he threw a fit.

'Grandpa and I always did them together! Not Jack from next door! Grandpa and I are going to do it together today, like always!' He had screamed at me. I could only stand and watch as he grabbed the ladder and quickly scaled it to the roof and began hammering shingles. At one point in time, he dropped the hammer after slamming his thumb and it slid halfway down the roof. He reached out to grab it and... Well, he slipped and fell and was hospitalized for a while because he broke both of his arms."

Seifer looked up at Molly, who smiled at him, with a mother's sadness. "He only wanted to prove to me that he was capable. That he had grown up after his grandfather passed on. He never meant any harm in his actions. But harm did come of it." Seifer shook his head, climbing to his feet and began to walk out. He stopped in the doorway and looked back at her.

"No harm will come out of this, Molly. I've come to save the world. I'm not the villain anymore." She nodded, and he turned his back on her, marching down the stairs. He grabbed the duffel bags and went out the front door without a word to Quistis, who just followed him. They quickly boarded the mdinight train and were on their way to Esthar, each lost in their own thoughts, their own secret agendas.


	4. Just Missed the Train

_Chapter Three: Just Missed the Train_

Seifer and Quistis finally left Molly Dincht's house, after she bogged them down with supplies and words of warning and love. As they stepped out and the door closed behind them, they stopped in the doorway, and turned towards each other, silently questioning the each other. Finally Quistis's hand reached out and found Seifer's, squeezing it tightly just once before pulling away. She smiled up at him but he found himself unable to breathe, much less smile.

Why did she trust him so much? What had he ever done for her to open herself up so much to him? Throughout their entire lives he had tormented her endlessly, trying anything he could to make her suffer. His mission was to make her life a living hell and now here she was, keeping him from going to hell. It was a bittersweet irony, almost.

"Ready?" He whispered to her, forcing himself to finally breathe. She nodded lightly before quickly ascending the stairs and stepping out beneath the star-filled sky. She inhaled deeply, filling her lungs with the hope that after this was all over and done with, she'd still be breathing as she was now. Her eyes followed Seifer's form as he climbed the stairs and set out across the dark town. She soon followed closely behind him.

When they arrived at the train station, they were dismayed to find it just as dark as the rest of the town. Seifer dropped their luggage onto the wooden bench, which groaned under the weight, and rubbed at his neck. "What the hell is going on?" He growled lightly, angered that his plans were already falling apart so easily and they hadn't even really begun yet.

Quistis didn't reply, but instead came back to the ticket window to read the paper posted. Her blue eyes skimmed over the scrawled handwriting before her forehead crinkled into a frown. She sighed and came and sat on the bench next to their belongings. Seifer stood in front of her, still questioning. She finally raised her eyes to look at him.

"The trains have all stopped since Ultimecia has taken power. It's too dangerous to travel now." She shrugged, looking defeated. But Seifer refused to let her give up so easily. He grabbed her arm and pulled her to her feet, his grip a little tight on her arm. When she grimaced, he let go of her but still held his ground.

"C'mon, we can't give up so easily. The others don't know what she's like. They don't know her power. I'm the only one who knows all about her. There has to be some other way to get to Esthar!" He said, his voice nearly shouting in his desperation. She looked at him, and felt strengthened by his resolve. Her gaze turned upwards as a sea gull flew over head, calling out to its mate in the dead of the night. She nodded to Seifer, and he was clearly thinking along the same lines.

"The harbor." They said at the same time.

xxx

Seifer pulled out his gunblade and hurriedly cut the ropes that held the small vessel to the dock. Quistis was already preparing the ship for sailing as he finally cut the last rope. He gave the small boat a good push, shoving it away from the dock before he leapt over the gap and landed in Quistis's arms. He thanked her briefly before climbing to his feet. He smiled at her and she found that she couldn't help but smile back.

Was this really Seifer? Was this really the same person who had single-handedly brought Ultimecia to her position of power as it was? The more time she spent with him, the more she felt that there was more to this so-called traitor than the bloodlust stories she had heard about him. She was starting to see him as she did growing up, just a troubled boy that fought for attention. She smiled at him again, this time remembering how he had harassed her so much growing up at the orphanage.

He glanced up at her, realizing that she was staring at him again. He felt his cheeks burning but he didn't say a word, merely turned his eyes out over the marble flat ocean. He headed to the front of the small boat, reaching his hands out toward the helm. She came up behind him, fighting back a yawn. "You should head to the cabin and get some sleep. You'll need all the rest you can get before we join the others tomorrow."

She shook her head, still trying hard not to yawn. "I'm fine, besides, you're the one who needs strength against Ultimecia. You can't show any sign of weakness in front of her." He laughed.

"She knows that I'm weak, whether I show it or not." Quistis found her eyes tracing the silhouette of his face in the soft moonlight. This was the first time in all of the years that they had spent growing up alongside each other that he showed doubt in his strength openly to her. She reached out for his arm, curling her own around it.

"You are far from weak, Seifer... You were the one who brought her to such power. Without you she would have failed miserably." He didn't pull away from her touch and neither did he respond right away. Finally his hand left the cool touch of the helm and rested on the warm skin of her hand. He glanced down at her but then turned his eyes back away, embarrassed slightly.

"If I wasn't weak, I would have seen from the beginning that she was merely using me; I was nothing but her pawn, her bait. If I was weak, I wouldn't have fallen to her so easily when I did realize that she was feeding me nothing but black magick and lies." He moved his hand back to the helm and pulled his arm out of her grasp. She stood staring. "You should really get some rest." She nodded and slowly retreated to the cabin. She stopped in the doorway and looked back at him, but he still stood, a silent sentinel.

It didn't take hardly any time for her to drift off to sleep, her anxieties about him disappearing while she slept or murdering her in her sleep vanished. He believed himself to be weak... He was angry about how the black witch had used him, promising him power and glory when in the end, he received the exact opposite. Quistis slept with her hand, the one that he had rested his hand on, resting next to her cheek. She knew that she could trust him.

xxx

The Estharian Palace loomed over their heads precariously. The colors, the curves and the entire makeup of the presidential building was so foreign and unfamiliar to the lives they led at Balamb Garden that they found that they stared at it in awe. Quistis stood, wearing her normal pink attire with the black leather boots, her whip tucked notably in the back of her belt. Seifer, however, was dressed in anything but what be considered his normal attire.

He had to hide away the familiar blue pants, blue and white cross t-shirt and white trench coat with a ratty long black cloak that they had found in the cabin of the stolen boat. The hood was pulled low over his face, which was only visible if you got extremely close. And he made sure that no one got too close but showing the end of his beloved Hyperion from beneath the cloak, careful to make people believe that it was merely a sword, and not a rare gunblade.

Without a word, warning, or glance, Quistis reached out for Seifer's free hand and interlaced her fingers with his and pulled him towards the doors, guarded by rather irate looking guards. One of them had actually fallen asleep at his post and was snoring loudly. Quistis pulled Seifer down so she could whisper in his ear. "They look like they don't like their job too much. Let's add a little spice to their work day, shall we?" She said, giggling. He shook his head, careful to not let the hood fall, grinning. He had a feeling that he was going to get along great with his dear Instructor on their little renegade mission.

Quistis let go of his hand and strode up to the men. They all shook to attention at the sight of the gorgeous blonde walking up to them with such purpose. She slowly smiled and paced back and forth in front of them. "So which one of you fine men is the top dog?" She asked, adding a little whisper to her words, making her voice sound deep and husky. The men each stepped forward, each wanting her attention on each of them solely.

She shook her head, her golden hair glittering in the mid-morning sun. She put her hand in front of her mouth, laughing, her voice just as sweet as rain or roses. "You can't all be in charge, can you? Oh well, regardless, I still need someone to help me!" They all erupted, speaking all at once, trying to volunteer their courageous talents that she was seeking. "My dog is trapped in a tunnel down the road. I tried so hard to get her out, but I just can't seem to get it. Can you help me?" The response was explosive. Quistis couldn't help but smirk; it seemed those Trepies were a good start up to polish her flirting and manipulation techniques.

She barely had to point around the corner before the guards ran off like hounds hunting a rabbit that didn't really exist; but they were too hungry for the satisfaction to realize that the scent was fake. She winked at Seifer who was breathless from laughing so hard. She walked backwards toward the building, flashing a thumbs up back to her comrade, still grinning, when she collided not with the hard, cold glass of the Estharian palace, but the soft flesh of the sleeping guard. He snorted and woke up, glaring.

His eyes only had to shift from Quistis's worried face to that of the traitor's no longer hooded façade to draw his sword and challenge them. "Run, Seifer!" She dodged around the guard and ducked into the building. The guard was furious, his skin flushed, as he realized who was standing not even ten feet in front of him. Seifer tossed off the cloak almost gratefully and rested the Hyperion on his shoulder, his body held arrogantly as he smirked at the now trembling guard. The guard's eyes had widened at the sight of the infamous gunblade.

"Just don't kill him, Seifer!" Before Quistis could even finish her statement, Seifer had launched himself forward, grabbing Hyperion by the blade, ignoring the pain as it bit into his flesh, and slammed the handle into the back of the guard's neck. He crumpled to the ground. "No!" Quistis flung the door open and dropped to the ground next to the guard, placing her fingers against the soft flesh of his neck. Seifer stepped backwards, hoping that the blow hadn't been enough to kill the only remaining guard. He was here for redemption, not murder.

He breathed a sigh of relief when Quistis nodded up to him. "He's fine…" She muttered, her own skin pale with worry. He came to her side, shaking slightly.

"Sorry… I didn't mean to… It's just I'm so ready to be done with this, to have my name cleared. I don't want to sit around fighting idiot guards; I want to fight that black witch…" Quistis shook her head.

"Don't worry about it." Her eyes glanced down at Seifer's hand, which was now dripping blood. She shook her head. "Already wounded, and you were only fighting an idiot guard." She said, playfully. He sneered at her and acted like he was going to wipe the blood on her but she ducked into the building. He went back, lifting the cloak from the ground and ripping off a shred of it to staunch the bleeding. Then he followed after Quistis.

A large rumbling could be heard from somewhere deep within the building. Seifer stopped in his tracks, imagining the worse. Ultimecia…. "What… What was that…?" He questioned, jogging to catch back up to her side. She stopped and listened and found that she recognized the mechanized rumbling and whirring. Her crystal blue eyes widened.

"It's Ragnarok! We have to hurry!" He followed her through the complex maze of corridors, elevators and rooms, using his fist to silence any difficult guards. They finally burst through heavy wooden doors to find Laguna standing at the window, his eyes glazed as he was immersed deep in thought. "Laguna?" Quistis called out to him. "Laguna?" She asked again when he was unresponsive. Finally he shook himself out of his thoughts and turned on a heel, surprise written on his face.

"Quistis? What are you doing here? I was told that you were going to remain at Balamb Garden and command the SeeD." Quistis made a mental note to ask Squall when he had become such a liar, especially to a president of a country.

"See that's just it. I realized that my powers would be much more useful if I went along. As well as with his." She nodded her head to Seifer but Laguna's eyes didn't leave her face. "Squall needs us at his side and I just can't sit around waiting while he's out there battling the sorceress." Laguna nodded thoughtfully.

"I understand…" He murmured, his tired gray eyes looking back out the window, surveying the city that lay below.

Quistis came to his side. "So, sir, where's the Ragnarok?" He choked, then coughed, and then finally caught his breath. He stared up at her confused.

"You mean, that was how you planned on following Squall into battle?" He asked incredulously. She nodded, not amazed at how much of a blundering fool he was. He hadn't changed at all since the time she and the others had seen in the 'dreams'. He lifted an arm and pointed to the morning sky. "See that shiny dot?" Quistis nodded, confused. "That's Ragnarok. They already left."

Seifer growled from behind them. First the car, then the train, and now the stupid Ragnarok. Hyne just didn't want to make his redemption easy, did he? Quistis rested a hand on her forehead, in disbelief. Why did everything have to be so difficult? "And it's too late to call them back?" Quistis asked. Seifer looked up expectantly.

Laguna nodded. "Squall's pretty set in his ways. At this point, nothing could make him turn back from heading out to fight Ultimecia." Quistis leaned against the desk, thoroughly frustrated. Seifer strode angrily to her side, furious that she seemed to be giving up so soon. He grabbed her hand and pulled her back to a standing position. He didn't let go of her hand after helping her up.

"Are you really just going to give up that easy? You've put so much faith and trust in me and now you're just going to give up? C'mon, dammit, there has to be another way!" His poisonous green eyes blazed and she was surprised at his determination.

Laguna stepped between them. "I could loan you a car?" He offered. Seifer and Quistis traded looks.

"On one condition."

"What's that, Seifer?"

"I drive."


	5. Trekking It the Old Fashioned Way

Chapter Four: Trekking It the Old Fashioned Way 

Quistis checked, double-checked, triple-checked, and quadruple-checked that her seatbelt was tightly fastened. She scoured the car for the user's manual, quickly scanning the pages to ensure that there were in fact air bags and that they would for sure detonate if they were to hit anything. She had the memory of that last time Seifer had driven – when they had headed to the dock to begin the SeeD field mission – and she wasn't looking forward to a similar experience.

He fastened his seatbelt and slid the key into the ignition, his jade eyes on her as he twisted it and the car started with a rumble. He grinned. "Nervous, Instructor?" Her paling face glanced up at him, her eyes narrowed. He laughed before slamming his foot on the gas pedal. She screamed and her arms flailed out to grab onto anything she could hold onto. But she slowly opened her eyes and realized that they hadn't moved an inch. Seifer was collapsed over the steering wheel with laughter.

She reached over and hit him as hard as she could on his arm, which apparently wasn't hard enough since he continued to laugh. So instead she crossed her arms over her chest and slumped in her seat, trying to slow her furious heart. "Shut up, Seifer." She snapped. "Are you going to drive or not? We don't have time to mess around like this! The Ragnarok is probably already halfway there!"

He finally settled down, wiping the tears of laughter from his eyes. He put the car into gear and eased his foot on the pedal and the car pulled forward, accelerating at a pace that was much more settling to Quistis. It only took minutes for the Esthar to vanish from the car's rearview mirror. Quistis couldn't help it but she soon found herself staring at him, as he occupied her thoughts.

How was it that he could suffer through all that had happened in his life and still find the motivation and drive to continue marching forward? Quistis had always found herself constantly looking back with remorse, always regretting and contemplating how things could have been different. But with Seifer, he never seemed to dwell on the past. He only looked to the future and what he was doing the next minute. Quistis suddenly realized that he was staring back at her, his darkened eyes locked on her own, occasionally flicking back towards the road to ensure that they were going to drive over a cliff.

"S-sorry…" She stammered, hurriedly shifting her gaze to the desert outside the car window. One of his hands left the steering wheel to rest under her chin before turning her face back towards his. She could feel the heat rushing to her face but she still met his gaze as he slowed the car to a stop and put it in park. He leaned closer to her and she could feel the heat of his skin.

"Why are you sorry?" Seifer whispered, his lips barely an inch from hers. "I owe you my life. The least I could do is let ya stare at me a little. Even if it is a little weird…" He grinned at her and she found herself smiling. She sighed and her hand reached up and her fingers curled around his.

"Because I'm scared…" Her grip tightened. "I'm scared that we won't be able to beat her, I'm scared of dying, I'm scared of losing any of the others, I'm scared of…" She trailed off and her gaze shifted once more to the window. Seifer frowned.

"Scared of what?" He looked down at their intertwined hands. Since when had her touch been such a comfort to him? Even in a foreign car in a savage desert it felt like home when she touched him. He glanced back up at her to find tears streaking down her paled face. He shook his head slowly, in disbelief. It hurt to see her hurting. He reached up, wiping away the tears from her face with his hands. But she didn't stop crying… Every time he wiped a tear away, more replaced them.

And then he did it. What had possessed him to do it he had no clue. An act of desperation, maybe? Maybe it was his last reach out for some form of love in his life before it ended at the hands of the witch. Maybe there was something more… But there was just something that beckoned for him to make her feel as comfortable he felt when underneath her touch.

So he had leaned over the armrest that separated him from her, cupping her face in his hands and brushed his lips over hers. It had been almost hesitant, testing her. And when the tears stopped and her gaze met his, he knew that everything was going to be okay. She closed the distance again and fire met fire, earth met earth, and water met water as they spilled out their frustrations, fears, hopes, and dreams in one single act of unity.

When he finally pulled away, his lips tingled and he slumped in his seat, in disbelief. As if things were complicated enough already… He glanced at her, to gauge her reaction. Quistis had not moved her hands still limp in her lap, her eyes closed. Finally her chest heaved as she breathed in deeply and let it out shakily.

"Seifer, I'm scared of you…" Pain shot through him in the form of despair.

He closed his eyes tightly and his hands formed fists. Why did everything always have to fall apart for him? Finally he gathered the courage and sat up right, his bright green eyes trained on her forlorn form. "Look I'm sorry Quistis… I shouldn't have done that but you don't understand how I feel about you right now… After I finally got away from that witch, I hardly ever slept, working myself to exhaustion trying to figure out a way to get redemption for the stupid shit I've done… I unjunctioned my GF's because I didn't want to become dependent on their para-magick like I had with Ultimecia."

He reached for her hand and squeezed it but tried not to feel hurt when she didn't squeeze it back. "And I remembered things, Quisty…" She lifted her tear-filled crystal blue eyes to stare at him, her mind struggling to remember when the nickname had been given to her. "I remembered Edea as Matron, I remembered growing up in the orphanage… I remembered you, and how much you cared for all of us. Even me. I knew that you were my answer. But I didn't realize how much I cared for you until you came and broke me out of detention." He leaned forward, his hands holding on tight to hers. "Quistis, I think I love you…"

Instead of more tears, he was met with the sound of her laughing. He blinked at the sight of her tossing her head back, grinning and laughing like a fool. Her eyes twinkled when she finally stopped long enough to catch her breath and send him a look that he found unreadable. His forehead was creased and his head cocked slightly to the side in his confusion. Women were so… Complicated, was the word he finally settled on.

She sighed, this time a smile on her face. She stared down at her hands, which were enveloped by his. "And here I was, thinking I was crazy for loving you…" Seifer could scarcely believe the words passing over her very kissable lips. Lips that he longed to caress again. She looked up at him coyly, seemingly amused by his sudden shock. "What? You think I'd do all of this and risk so much for someone that I didn't love?"

He shook his head slowly, trying to take this information in. "But… What about.. The diary… Squall?" He stammered, trying desperately to make some sense of his shock. But his mind was racing and he found it hard to cling to any one thought for very long. She narrowed her eyes at him.

"Hmm… So I see you read my diary…" She smiled warmly. "I was wondering about your sudden philosophical moment back in Balamb City. I had a feeling you had read it… Well, I see that you skipped over the more important entries. Like the ones talking about how I myself had unjunctioned the guardians as well, after hearing about the damage Ultimecia could cause with her magick. I began to fear magick and the pain it could cause. And I guess all those anti-guardian groups were right about the memory loss. I lost so much sleep when those memories came rushing back to me."

Seifer was still dumbstruck. But he was temporarily broken out of his trance when he found her lips gliding over his once more. He wanted to drink her in, consume all of her in this one single moment. At that point in time, the rest of the world meant nothing to him. The only thing that he cared about was her being in his arms, and his heart. And as their kiss deepened, and the clothes slipped off, and their bodies melded together, a union was formed, that was much stronger than that of the witch and her former puppet. It was one of old love reignited after a period of remission.

xxx

Most girls dream of losing their virginity. And when Quistis had fantasized about it, she never imagined that it would be in a borrowed car with a man that was hated by the entire world. But she wouldn't have changed a minute of it. She peeked over at Seifer who was still dozing quietly, curled up next to her in the backseat of the car. She was so close that she could see a sprinkling of light freckles on Seifer's nose that weren't visible from a more acceptable distance.

His arm was draped over, encasing her protectively. She strained her neck to look towards the window in which the night sky was visible, littered with stars. So much for hurrying towards the orphanage to defeat the witch. She sighed, her breath whispering across his neck and he shifted ever so slightly. She watched him with sleepy eyes. While her eyes were still misty with sleep, her mind was a different story.

She knew from her memories and hours of contemplating that she loved Seifer. And he had gone through massive lengths to get to her and he had shown her nothing but good things since she had rescued him. But there was the little logical voice in the back of her head, screaming at her to pull away, to maintain her icy composure, to keep it professional. The world was what mattered right now, not love. She suddenly felt it all crashing down around her.

What if their 'love' was birthed only from fear? What if their moment together had been only to prove that there was love and joy in the world, even in the darkest periods of time? Or even worse, Seifer was just trying to prove to the world, or even to himself, that he's capable of more than death. She turned her eyes away from the stars outside their refuge to look once more at his face. She sighed. There was little one could understand at a time like this.

She sat up, not caring if she woke him up or not and began to replace her clothing. She ran her fingers through her hair and when they met knots, she just grabbed up her blonde locks, pulling it into a messy ponytail. Quistis turned her eyes back down towards him and found that he was looking up at her, a smile on his face. Try as she might, she couldn't help but to smile back at him. He reached up and pulled her down to him, once more entrapping her in a kiss that she didn't want him to stop.

Finally she pulled away, the urgency starting to creep back into her system. There was a war going on right now. And Squall and the others were probably already there at the orphanage. She assumed that they hadn't compressed time yet because outside the window nothing seemed changed. But she didn't know how much changed a desert would be over time… She crawled back up into the front seat, ignoring Seifer's sounds of protest as she turned the car back on.

"I thought we agreed that I was driving?" He said with a laugh. When she responded by revving the engine, putting on her seatbelt and putting it in drive, Seifer crawled into the passenger seat and buckled his own seatbelt, his face twisted into an expression of curiosity. "Quisty? Are you okay…?" She flicked her eyes towards him briefly, smiling sadly.

"You can't have forgotten the others… They could be fighting that witch right now. I'm worried about them, Seifer…" He reached for her hand and curled his fingers tightly around hers.

"I haven't forgotten. I'm worried about them too…" Quistis smiled at him before accelerating the car, fear burning her insides as images of death and haunted her mind. She only hoped that they wouldn't be too late...


	6. A Trust Issue

_Chapter Five: A Trust Issue_

Five people sat aboard the Ragnarok, all sitting at different stations in the cockpit, but not a word was spoken. When they had first boarded in Esthar, Selphie had tried desperately to keep up small talk and meaningless conversation, but soon gave up. Everyone remained tight-lipped, each lost in their own fears and worries.

Squall sat in the pilot seat, reclined, his hands folded in his lap. He had set the ship to auto-pilot after putting in the coordinates for their destination, and had since then not moved even a muscle. His stormy eyes roved over the lands that they flew over, and his heart thudded in his throat. His mind was in a state of confusion. Here he was leading several souls into a battle that he had no idea how they were going to win. A sorceress wasn't invincible, but pretty damn close to unbeatable. They had been trained for most of their lives for this, but were they really ready?

And was he ready to lead them? They needed a strong, capable leader to stay strong for them, to give them the courage and strength they lack. But was he the one for them? They seemed to think so, everyone seemed to think so. If only they knew the doubts he had, they would think twice about putting so much faith into him.

His mind drifted over each and every single one of them. Zell, with so much fire and perseverance, could go so far as part of SeeD, if he wasn't caught up in this ridiculous war. Irvine, too, could be very successful, with his precise sharp shooting skills, and smooth voice. Selphie, so spirited and naïve, could make her own amazing contributions to society. And Rinoa…

His mind always drew a blank when it came to Rinoa. She confused him the most. He had never felt about another person the way he felt about her. He had known love once, when he had Sis in his life at the orphanage, but that love was so different from how he felt about Rinoa. He wasn't even sure if he loved her. But something constantly drew him to her, something kept him from escaping, something made him want to be at her side always. He just didn't know what it was. He found that his eyes left the landscape beneath him and settled on her face.

Of everyone on the ship, he had known her the shortest, but he already knew every line of her face, every hair on her head, what every smile of hers meant. He felt like he knew better than he even knew himself. The only thing he didn't know was what to call how he felt about her. He didn't want to call it love, only to be wrong later and to deal with the same pain he had felt when he was five years old.

Rinoa glanced up and found Squall's eyes on her and smiled. She reached to him and brushed hair from his forehead. He jumped slightly at her touch, but then a small smile curved his lips upwards. Her hand left his face and reached for his own. He was unresponsive at first, but soon his grip tightened on her hand. "Squall… There's something you should know… About the sorceress…"

He groaned inaudibly and shook his head, his grip on his hand loosening. He had finally found peace by focusing his attention on her, and now it was gone. He didn't want to waste away in the captain's chair of the Ragnarok, anxious and cold about the upcoming battle. He didn't know how much life he had to live, and he didn't want to waste precious moments in fear.

"It's something really important. I feel it could help out a lot with the battle, Squall."  
Once again, he shook his head, and this time he actually pulled his hand away. She reached for it, but he slipped it into his pocket. "Squall, why don't you want to talk to me?" He bowed his head so low, that his chin rested on his chest. She left her seat and knelt in front of him, her hands on his knees, her eyes focused on his. "I need you right now, Squall. Tell me you need me too." Her voice had dropped to a whisper, desperation obvious. He didn't move, didn't speak.

She growled slightly in frustration, standing and grabbing his hand. She attempted to pull him up from his chair, but he was immobile. He did, instead, glance up at her, with questioning eyes. "Just come outside with me a second. Please? I promise I won't talk about Ultimecia…" Finally he breathed deeply and stood to his feet. He glanced at Selphie and motioned for her to take his seat in the Captain's chair. Selphie nodded and quickly took his seat. All eyes followed him and Rinoa as they stepped out of the cockpit.

They stopped in the hallway, and Squall leaned against the cold metal, tilting his head back and closing his eyes. Rinoa stepped in front of him, testing the waters. She slipped her arms around his waist, and waited. When he made no move to push her away, she pressed herself against him, and rested her head on his chest, his heartbeat thudding in her ear. "Squall, I do want to tell you one thing…"

"Mmm-hmm…"

"Edea did teach me one thing, when she told me what it would mean when I took on Adel's powers… Nearly every sorceress in history has had a knight, a knight that stood by their side and protected them, and kept them strong. Even sorceresses have weaknesses and need someone to lean on… I, too, will need a knight someday." She trailed off, unsure and uneasy. She and Squall had never really discussed what it was they shared. They had grown close, but there was still some distance that separated them, words left unspoken.

"Rin…" The tone in his voice stung her, and she knew what was coming. He tilted his head down to look at her. Tears burned her eyes and he brushed them away with his callused thumbs. "I care about you… A lot… But there are still some things I'm really confused about, okay? I'm not sure if I could be your knight, just yet. Let's just keep strong like we are… and maybe someday I could be more for you… but for now… I promise to fight for you, at your side, at this battle today. Will you fight for me?"

She nodded furiously, but that didn't stop the tears from spilling out of her chocolate eyes. Her cheeks reddened slightly and he wrapped his arms tight around her, pulling her closer than she was already. He buried his face in her neck, and felt the words spilling out of his mouth. All the built-up frustrations and fears that he had tried to keep bottled up spilled out, tumbling out over his lips and into her ear.

"Rinoa… I'm so scared… I always have been. All my life, I have been alone, and I've wanted it to be that way. If you're alone, no one can hurt you, right? Well, so much has changed that… I'm changing… Everyone on this ship today… I care about them in some way. I don't ever want to lose them… I don't want to lose you. And here I am, flying this damn ship right to a place where we might not return. I feel as if I'm killing the very people I care about… And damn, Rinoa… I don't want to die… I don't want to die…." His grip tightened on her, and his words became forced. He wasn't crying, he hadn't cried since his days at the orphanage, but he had never felt worse in his life.

She ran her hands through his hair, her own tears forgotten. She had tried since she had met him to get him to open up, and now here he was, spilling everything out to her. But it was only because he thought he was going to die, that he'd never get another chance to tell her everything. "Squall… It's okay… We will make it, I promise. I'm here for you, and you're here for me. I think together we can win, but only as long as we fight together. All of us, not just you and me." She stared down at her hands, magick glittering in her palms. "I don't know much about my powers, but I think that we can do it. I know we can do it. We're not going to die, Squall. I promise."

He nodded and found himself pressing his lips against hers. The kiss deepened and he found himself unable to let go. When they finally broke apart and his lips tingled, in that moment he knew it. He knew he loved her. And he would fight for her. And someday, he would be her knight. He laced his fingers with hers. "C'mon, let's go back to the others, they're waiting for us."

xxx

Never had Quistis sped in her life. She had never even done the speed limit, instead choosing to remain under the speed limit, by only a few. But here she was now, with the pedal pushed all the way down beneath her heeled boot, and her grip on the steering wheel was tight as the speedometer needle climbed higher and higher. And yet it still didn't seem like enough.

She felt so foolish, so confused. They were in a war, a war that they might not even survive, driving towards what could be their graveyard. And she had stopped to take the time to make love to a man she wasn't even supposed to be with. So much had changed in so little time, that she was left feeling like an idiot. What had driven her to make such rash decisions? When had she become so spontaneous, so naïve? What happened to her cold, calculated life, where she never made a decision without reason or without going over the consequences?

And if the battle had already begun, and the others were fighting without her, she would never be able to forgive herself. If she survived the battle, that is. If Seifer didn't turn on her, and kill them all. Why had she grown so trusting of him? Could he ever really change who he was? It was too late to change her mind about him now, the coastline was along the horizon and they could see the graying, rundown orphanage.

"Quistis… Can I talk to you?" Seifer murmured, unsure, his poisonous green eyes locked on the horizon.

"What, Seifer?" The words came out more bitter and cold than she had meant, but it was too late to take them back. She hated him, in a way, for making her weak and stupid, for taking her mind off the goal. Even though she knew it wasn't her fault. If the blame was to be placed anywhere, it was to be on her.

He glanced at her briefly, frowning. He was getting really irritated with the games she seemed to keep playing with him. "I just wanted to talk to you about anything. To make conversation."

"Well, I think we should be focused on the battle and events at hand, instead of making meaningless, pointless conversation. You should be preparing yourself for battle and putting up your defenses. You know Ultimecia is going to try to make you her puppet again." Each word seemed to spit fire at him, and the last sentence seemed almost accusatory.

"Dammit, Quistis! I'm scared, okay? I'm scared shitless and you're not helping! I really need you right now. I need you to be strong. You were to be my weapon against Ultimecia. Your love was to be my shield against her damn games and advances. But what the hell are you giving me now?" He punched the dashboard in front of him, cracking it down the middle. "You think this is easy for me? Well, you're wrong! I can't be so sure of everything like you, ok? So for just once in your life, give me a break!"

Silence hung thick in the air between them and Quistis's cheeks flushed with anger. This was what she had broke him out of detention for? This was what she had risked everything for? He hadn't grown up, he hadn't changed like she had thought. He was still the same person that Ultimecia had enslaved before, headstrong, egotistical and dumb. And she had put everything up for him. For nothing. Could she even trust him to not turn against them? She wasn't sure she could…

Seifer glanced down at his bruised and bleeding knuckles and groaned. He held his hand up in front of him, trying to flex his fingers, and grimacing. The blood slipped from the cut and traced its way down his arm like a snake. He finally lowered his arm, not caring that he was making a mess of the blood. Nothing mattered anymore. She didn't trust him. He hadn't planned on using her from the beginning, but once they had shared that intimate moment in the car and he realized just how much he felt for her, he knew that she would be his defense against Ultimecia. With Quistis at his side, with someone finally trusting him and caring about him, he knew that he could be strong.

But he knew now that she had only used him in return. She was scared, she couldn't do it alone. She needed someone at her side, she didn't care who. She had taken a chance with him, for her own selfish reasons, it seemed. But it didn't matter now. It was too late for Seifer. He couldn't use her love as a shield if it didn't exist. He would have to fight alone against Ultimecia, and only hope that he could be strong enough to not be enslaved again.

But the black witch was constantly at the edges of his mind, calling to him, beckoning him, promising him the glory and power of before. He pushed her away, pushed her away to the back of his mind, refusing to be made a fool again. But if there was nothing left in his life anymore, why not? He was running out of reasons to not go back to being the witch's puppet.

The car reached the edge of the flower field and Quistis finally took pressure off of the gas pedal as they drove through the field, crushing millions of flowers. Petals swirled in the air around and behind them, and Quistis was awestruck. Life was so beautiful sometimes. She felt that she would miss it when she was dead…

"Stop the car."

His suddenness, his deep, forlorn tone caused Quistis to slam on the brake, and the car lurched and stopped. She glanced over at him. "What is it, Seifer?"

He didn't answer her, instead reached for his gunblade from the back seat and climbed out of the car. He closed the door behind him, and faced away from her. Frantic, Quistis rolled down the window. "What are you doing?" He shrugged.

"What do you care?"

He walked away from the car, his gunblade hanging limply from his arm at his side. The tip dragged through the ground, leaving a scar in the earth behind him as he walked away from her. Quistis felt the tears welling up in her eyes. She had made a mistake. She had made the mistake of trusting him, of loving him… And now here he was walking away. She glanced in the direction of the orphanage, which lay only a few hundred yards away. The sky about the orphanage was filled with dark, swirling storm clouds and lightning ripped through the sky. And hanging in the air, about the torrential currents of the ocean, was a darkened castle, crumbling and chained to the earth. There was her graveyard.

She glanced at Seifer's retreating back. And there was her murderer.


End file.
